strong as you can be.

so for years parents have argued that the media has desensitized everyone to life and all that happens in it. i would be the first one to raise my hand and agree with that. some kids are fine, but i watch the news and read the paper everyday, almost unaffected by anything.

and that's now how i should be.

so over the weekend i heard the story about the kid who killed his whole family. his father, brother, his father's wife, and her daughter. and honestly, i didn't think much of it. i felt bad for about 30 seconds, then went about my day. i mean, if that happened to my family i would hope someone would react more than i did.

but tonight i watched the news at 11. and they gave another story on this kid. they actually showed him not long after he killed his family....he was on a video from a convienence store, buying a bottled water. no expression on his face. then i read he went and rode four wheelers with his friends later in the day. i mean, what? this kid killed his entire family and then went about his day. that's what got me. the tv screen had my full attention.

then i realize, this didn't happen in new york city or some huge city. it happened right here in anderson county. where we live. maybe we've all seen this kid, you know, eating out, at the mall, driving. whatever. but we trust this small town enough that we think no one around us is a future murderer, theif, whatever. people are naive. and i am one of those people.

these four people killed all had lives. you think they woke up saturday morning wanting to be killed? i hope not. and everyone had a role. father. son. brother. wife. mother. sister. and just like that, everyone is gone. and everyone who knows this kid said they are shocked. he said "yes ma'am" and was polite. he was always nice. no one suspected he'd ever do anything like this.

so it all makes me stop and think, what kind of world are we living in? why does something like this have to happen in order for my closed, naive, unaffected eyes to be pryed wide open and see truth? bad things don't just happen in huge cities, it happens right here in anderson. so why are we all so unaffected? why do we see this on the news, feel bad for 5 minutes, then forget it? i'm not rallying for better movies or tv. i'm not saying we all go live in tents in pastures so we're safe.
i'm just saying we all need to take a look around. this world is a beautiful place, but its stuff like this that happens that makes it a little less glimmering.

while i was the gym today an older lady was talking to me about how she has vertigo, has headaches all the time, etc. she said "i wonder if i have a brain tumor." i don't usually delve personal information about myself, so i just politely responded, "i hope you're okay." she proceeded to tell me she'd be glad to have a brain tumor. she said most people she knows with one die within 3-4 months. then she said, "you know, you are young. but i'm old. i'm 62. so having a brain tumor really wouldn't be anything to me. besides, i've been craving a better, more serene place if you know what i mean."

i couldn't speak. i had to walk away. i said i had to use the bathroom. is this how we live these days? we crave brain tumors and look forward to death? sure, some people look forward to Heaven. so do i. but this is different. she's not old by any means. maybe she's got 30 more years to live. but she says she wouldn't mind going on now. i pray i never live like that. i don't want to take any day for granted. i want to be as strong as i can be, living the life God so graciously gave me. every breath i take is not my own. every step i take is not for me.

when will i realize.