no one likes to be wrong.

i had a realization today. i probably shouldn't share it on a blog everyone can see, but this is how i let things out.

so hate is a really strong word. i always think i never, ever want to hate anyone. sure, i dislike people, but hate? that's just not how i want to live. but i was driving by myself today and i saw a certain word on a sign. and everytime i see this word, i cringe because it reminds me of someone. i'm not going to share the word, but when i saw it my face scrunched up and anger swelled up in my body. i let out a big pissed off sigh and stewed a few minutes, remembering what this person did to me. and then i was like calm down, amber. what are you solving here. i thought i had forgiven this person, or at least was in the process. obviously i backtracked today. i feel bad, but is it okay to admit i find it so hard to forgive this person? i've prayed and i know God speaks to me about it, but i choose to ignore His words. so as i sat there being immature and grumpy, remembering back, i realized i'm dangerously close to hating this person. and like i said, i don't want to live that way. at all.
i also realized a little part of why i'm excited about moving is because i can leave the bad memories of this person here. not think about it anymore. basically, run away from it. i'm great at solving problems, right? psssh.
wish i could give some good ending like "then i realized i should..." but i haven't. i know what i should do/think, but i can't bring myself to that point yet.

i definitely need prayer and God's help or i'll bury this somewhere deep in my mind to let it fester.