time and change.

isn't it funny how things can change so fast.
people.
relationships.
life.

you can't avoid change. it's better to try to go along with it, right?

sounds good.
too bad it's so hard to do.

some change in my life is my own fault. for example...let's be real, i suck at friendships.
i make friends, really good friends.....then somehow i always ruin it.
i've tried to think about why i do the things i do. i'm a mystery to myself.
so most of the friends i had in high school and college i no longer have.
and i realize that's probably my fault.

that's one hard thing to deal with.

some change in my life isn't my fault. you can't control when other people change. or when situations around you change. people come, people go. things happen. things don't happen.
and you flow with everything. like you're a leaf on water, adapting to whatever comes along.

i'm not meant to live like this. i know i'm not.
and yet, in a way, i am that leaf. and i hate it, because life becomes harder by the week.
i don't know what to do to get out of this stupid "rut" i'm in.
yeah.

this probably doesn't matter to anyone at all, but it was good to get this all out.