what i'll never say to you.

just because you have justified in your own mind that you have done nothing wrong and everything is okay doesn't mean you're right.

even when you think no one will find out about your actions, you slip up and practically lay it out on the table for everyone to see. and i hate that you force me to make hard decisions and you don't even know i am aware of what happened. you don't know how much i hate that.
i guess i can't point all the fingers at you because i've kept my mouth shut about it. but when something like this happens, how do you just casually bring it up? it's not like we can sit over tea and mention, oh hey i know about this, would you like a scone? it would be nice if life worked like that. obviously it doesn't. this is all a recurring cycle and if i keep myself in it eventually i'm going to make myself numb to all emotions. i'm a stone when it comes to this. i'm a pro at keeping quiet when most people i know would blow up. i've given you so many chances to get your skeletons out of the closet and you won't do it. i don't know if i can wait on you to dust them off and have the guts to expose them. all i want is for you to have the nerve to tell me so i dont have to say i know. that's all.

learn to be happy with what you've been given in life and your closet will always be empty.

stuck.

i'd like to say that i can't believe this is happening to me....

but maybe i asked for it.

perfection...

....can anyone reach it?

nah.

but these days i desperately want to. it seems like so many people out here are just perfect, at least by appearance. perfect hair, perfect body, perfect skin. i feel so flippin' self-conscious here, it's ridiculous. i should have more confidence in myself, but it's really hard. everyday is a struggle to feel at least decent. i'm trying to start working out and eating better, but still.

guess it's stupid my first post in like two weeks is about this, but surely everyone can relate.

i don't want a perfect body, i just want to walk around and not feel so self conscious about myself. i just want to walk around and not worry if i look fat in something i wear.

maybe it's a really stupid girl thing, but i know guys worry about appearance too. but face it, some guys can be overweight and still look good. if you're overweight and a female, forget it. until i can get where i'm comfortable in my own skin, i just have to live with feeling like nothing.

hi from out west.

.....this is the start of something good. don't you agree?

so it begins again.

i had the best days with you.

the night came into stay while you made other plans.

you are the sun gone down...

[you are the sky].

you are the moon rushed around.

.........you are goodbye.

fall back.

i'm not handling this as good as i thought i could.